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The Pilot Episode

Seen here for the first time! In the pilot episode, Tiny Shorts Boy was an evil boy whose only purpose in life was to cause Apple Boy harm. However, test screenings revealed that audiences were so captivated by Tiny Shorts Boy's wiggle that they could not accept him as a villain. Therefore, the scenes you are about to see entitled Killer Bees, Hatchet Attack, and Guess What I Put In Your Chili! were never released.

bees! bees! Tiny Shorts Boy leads Apple Boy into a hive of killer bees. Tiny Shorts Boy laughs his head off as the bees sting the crap out of Apple Boy. Apple Boy looks swollen.


Apple Boy Juice Doctors installed a spigot in Apple Boy's head to relieve the swelling. It made a great bloody mary mix at parties.


Hack! Hack! Hack! 

It's a hatchet attack! I'll hack off your head, then I'll hack off your back! I'll hack you to bits and put you in a sack! Tiny Shorts Boy hacks down Apple Boy's favorite apple tree. Tiny Shorts Boy hacks off Apple Boy's favorite arm and leg. Apple Boy looks stumpy. Although the Hatchet Attack scene was never released, the soundtrack song "Hack! Hack! Hack! It's a Hatchet Attack!" was a Top 40 hit. Unfortunately, Buddy Hatchet, of "Buddy Hatchet and the Hatchettes", had a hatchet obsession that went beyond the fun-to-say word. Buddy hacked up his band during a show in Las Vegas on the second week of their tour. You all know the song but very few people ever knew the story behind the music . . . until now.


pull my 

finger Tiny Shorts Boy makes a pot of chili for Apple Boy.


there is something 

on your face Tiny Shorts Boy gathers the secret ingredients to make the most special pot of chili ever.


Don't try this at 

home kids. Tiny Shorts Boy gives the chili his own personal touch.


Ouch!  Hot chili! 

Hot chili! Tiny Shorts Boy adds the final secret ingredients. The chili is complete.


mmm mmm good! Apple Boy takes a heaping helping of the chili. Tiny Shorts Boy laughs as Apple Boy chokes and gags. Apple Boy looks ill.


oh crap, I'm dead Apple Boy falls over and dies. Tiny Shorts Boy laughs so hard that he wets his tiny shorts. Apple Boy looks dead.


This scene was the main reason that the pilot was never released. Our sponsors would not let us kill the star in the first episode. We thought is was a daring break from the Hollywood standard but they didn't agree. So we re-wrote the script and killed an innocent porn star instead. The sponsors had no problem with that, provided we did not include any more flying poop. We agreed that flying poop was probably not the best way to break onto the Hollywood scene. It seems that most people don't actually like to think about poop, especially wearing or eating it. So we went with a more classic approach: Sex and Violence.

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Last Updated: August 2004